I hate your face
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
