we have pet lesbian snakes
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a beard to bite.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
