Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
