I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize