I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
