Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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