I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
