i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
