My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
