if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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