All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
