I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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