I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
