just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember sheβs smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
