Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
