i already hear my dad disowning me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
