I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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