I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
