i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
