The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
