you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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