I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm passing your future prison.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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