I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
