All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
