Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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