I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
