I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
