Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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