So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
