I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
