Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
