Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
