If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
