you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
