I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
