Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
