rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
