allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
