so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Randomize