So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
