man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
