I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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