he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
