i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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