oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
