i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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