The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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