i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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