her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what day is it and did you see me today?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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