I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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