I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
