I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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