Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
