i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
