Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
