yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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