remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize