if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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