Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize