I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
