At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
