Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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