I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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