If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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