Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
