At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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