Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
