I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
