everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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