Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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