I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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