yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize