it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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