No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
