Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
