Porn is love you can see.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
