So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
