I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
