you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
