You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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