i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
