I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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