I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
