Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Still dying that you shit outside
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize