if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drake has all the answers
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
