Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
