dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
