Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
