PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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