Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
