the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize