He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize