i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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