This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
